Break The Cycle
by amsrule
Summary: Audrey ends up going into the barn-and Nathan isn't able to stop her. But what if there's something else that gets in the way?
1. Chapter 1

With her arms tight around his shoulders, and his around her waist, Audrey felt at home. She couldn't believe how easily she had fit into her life in Haven over the past year, and consequently into Nathan's. He was her partner, her best friend, and so much more. The thought of leaving Haven, leaving him, was nearly unbearable. An ache settled into her midsection and she placed a hand lightly to her side. She felt like had to physically hold herself together. After what she was about to do, Nathan wouldn't be around anymore to pick up the pieces like he was so good at.

Well, actually, her pieces wouldn't be around anymore to pick up.

Nathan's eyebrow furrowed, reading the pain on her face. "Are you okay?" He pulled back slightly and grabbed her hand. His fingertips brushed her stomach and Audrey's mind flashed to an image of herself with skin glowing, her stomach large and round, and Nathan cooing to their future child.

Audrey found herself unable to speak and her eyes fluttered shut. She couldn't tell him of the life they had created. She was sure that if she went into the barn, he (or she, although Audrey was sure it was James coming back to her) would not survive. It had happened too late, too close to the Hunter. She couldn't stand for Nathan to grieve twice as much. He was having a hard enough time letting her go as is.

"Parker?"

Audrey cupped her lover's chin in her free hand and, ignoring the concerned faces of their friends around them, pulled his mouth to hers. This was nothing like their first timid kiss. This kiss was like fireworks—beautiful, sparkling, and burning all at once. It took everything left in her to pull away.

"Goodbye, Nathan." She whispered, sliding from his grasp.

Fear flashed across his face. "Audrey!"

She hurried to the barn door, yanked it open, and forced herself inside before she could change her mind. She could hear the worried shouts of her friends behind her but once the door slammed shut, it all disappeared.

"Well Ms. Parker," a deep voice spoke, "Are you ready to go?"

Audrey looked up at the tall, dark figure. The man she once knew at Agent Howard, although she no longer knew what to call him. He was her guide throughout her various lives; her warden in this barn. With one last glance around the empty white space, she walked up to him. "Yes, I am."

"Are you ready to sacrifice yourself for Haven, for your friends?"

Audrey felt as if she had heard this before. And perhaps she had—Agent Howard, or whoever he was, had asked her this every time. The magic of the barn only worked if she went willingly. As her mind opened to the barn, she began to remember. Figures appeared all around her. Her past selves, her previous lives, were becoming one with her and the barn.

"Yes." She stated firmly. The word echoed throughout the room as the memories of all of the women before her chimed in as well.

"For the Troubles, for Haven, I sacrifice my time as Audrey Parker, I sacrifice my love, and I sacrifice my unborn child."

For a moment, Agent Howard's eyes went wide and his form shimmered. "Child?"

Whatever he meant to say next fell away as he disappeared from existence, no longer needed. The forms around Audrey remained for another few seconds, and then blinked away one by one, until one was left standing.

The woman had brown wavy hair and was wearing a black corset and a maroon cloak. Somehow, Audrey knew that her name was Mara and that she had been the first of them all. Mara pursed her lips angrily as she glared at Audrey.

"What have you done?" She sneered before disappearing.

Audrey wrapped her arms around herself and looked around. Large cracks ran up the walls of the once pristine room. A bright light began shining through them. The ancient Mi'kmaq magic exploded, pulsing outwards. Audrey's mind went blank.

The force spread like an earthquake, rocking the whole town. Those nearest the barn were thrown to the ground. Moments later Nathan sat up and looked around the clearing, seeing nothing but the grass that he could feel prickling beneath him.

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><p>Will this be a one-shot? Will it be a multi-chapter story? Only time (and your reviews) will tell!<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

Nathan was one of those people that could be a morning person if the right conditions were met. Over the past couple years, those stipulations, originally just a decent night's sleep, a shower, and a mug of coffee, had expanded to contain seeing Audrey. She seemed to always light up his day.

When Nathan got up that morning, he didn't feel different from any other day. He shuffled out of his dark blue comforter with a yawn. His overly sensitive eyes weren't ready for the light, as per usual, so he didn't bother reaching out for the light switch panel.

Nathan had functioned with his idiopathic neuropathy for so long that he was as adapted as a blind man in his own house would be. He could turn on lights, work the shower, lock the doors, and other mundane tasks that he couldn't feel through his specially honed muscle memory.

So he started his bathroom routine. He turned on the shower, the knob sliding in an exact 100 degree angle. He'd had a friend mark it for him a couple years ago, so that he could prevent accidentally getting hypothermia or burning himself.

Nathan didn't realize anything was different that morning until he got in the shower. He pushed the curtain aside and slowly moved into the ceramic space. He reached his arm in first, felt the warmth attack his skin, and leaped back with a yelp. He fell back against the wall, felt the bite of the coolness of the tile, and launched forward. Finally, he managed to stabilize himself in the center of the room.

He froze, trying to assess the situation. He lifted up his wet hand, stared at it, and then placed it against his chest. His heart was beating rapidly beneath his fingers.

All of a sudden, the events from the day before suddenly came back to him. Audrey had gone into the barn. He had tried so hard to hold on to her and keep her there with him. He loved her.

Still did, of course.

But now she wasn't here.

She'd said goodbye and ran away, ran into the barn. The door had slammed shut behind her.

Nathan remembered banging on it furiously, trying to get her attention, trying to get it open. Perhaps if he went with her, everything would be okay. They would just live in the barn together forever. James got to go into the barn, why couldn't he? They could all be a family.

But the barn hadn't opened up for him.

His recollection after that was a bit vague. Duke had been there, screaming at him. He had probably been telling him to calm down, to let her go. He'd tried to pull Nathan away.

And that's when the explosion had happened. Or whatever that burst of energy had been. Some force had radiated out from the barn and suddenly everything flashed white and went silent. Nathan had been thrown backward, landing several feet away from the barn. When he had opened his eyes again, he'd noticed two things.

One, the meteors and the barn and Audrey were gone.

Two, he could feel the grass. It was an odd sensation—both prickly and smooth against his fingers.

What had happened next?

Nathan shook his head in an attempt to clear the fog. Had he passed out? Or was he just blocking the memories? How did he even get home?

He stumbled out of the bathroom and ran towards the living room. His blue jacket was lying on the ground next to his front door, next to his loafers… and a pair of brown doc martens.

"Well, good morning sunshine." The voice came from the center of his living room. All of a sudden, a head covered in ragged brown hair popped up over the edge of the couch. "Oh, getting a little frisky this morning, I see."

Nathan jumped and quickly crossed his hands over his body. Unsure of what else to do, he backed up down the hallway and fled into the bathroom.

He leaned his back against the door with a sigh. His cheeks were flaring red, embarrassed by the display of nakedness that had just occurred. He wasn't used to anybody else being in his house, except for Audrey occasionally.

The thought of her in his house brought a new wave of memories. Her whisking pancake batter at his kitchen counter, sticking her tongue out at him after he'd flicked flour at her face. Her sprawled out on his leather couch beside him as they channel surfed after a long day at work. Her blonde hair spread out against his sheets as he leaned over her.

A flood of warmth traveled to his groin. Nathan looked down at himself and groaned. It was an odd feeling for that particular appendage to have a life of its own.

The voice came again, echoing down the hallway. "Look, dude, I'm sorry if I scared you. Finish getting ready and then we can go get breakfast or something, okay?"

His problem dissipated at the distraction. He rushed forward and threw his clothes back on. He exited the bathroom and found Duke sitting patiently on the arm of the couch.

"Oh, hey man." He stood as soon as the other man walked into the room and gave him a sheepish smile.

Nathan froze and held up his hands. "Why can I feel?"

Duke blew air out between his lips and then gathered himself up to answer. "You can feel? You can feel. Good. Umm, yeah. The Troubles are gone."

"Because Audrey is gone." He said blankly.

The taller man nodded. "Yeah, she's gone." Although he seemed calm on the outside, the pain behind his eyes was obvious. He had loved her too, Nathan knew.

"How can you say that?"

"Because it's true."

Nathan fell to the ground, surprised by the pain radiating through his legs that accompanied the sound of his knees cracking against the hardwood. He groaned, leaning forward to wrap his arms around them.

"Nathan," Duke drawled. He moved over to kneel beside the other man.

"She'll be back. We can bring her back." He insisted.

Duke reached out to place his hand on his friends shoulder, and then stopped and pulled away. He didn't want to overwhelm his sense of feeling right now, especially with everything else that was going on. "I don't think we can do that."

Nathan's head flew up and he glared at the other man. His eyes were ringed with red. "No. We can. We have to."

"Nathan." Duke stated strongly, trying to get Nathan's attention. His voice sounded a bit deeper, like he was trying to keep himself from crying too. "She's gone."

He could see the moment that the truth sank in. Nathan's mouth dropped open, as if he no longer had the energy to keep himself together. Tears began streaming down his face and he collapsed onto Duke.

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><p>Sad Nathan gives me so many emotions and arghhhh. Why must I make him suffer? I don't even know. Will things get better? It is Haven... so probably not. Review and let me know what you think, and then keep an eye out for another update!<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

To say that Nathan was never the same after that afternoon in the clearing was an understatement. He lost Audrey that day, but in some cruel twist of fate he had gained something back. His ability to feel. In the wake of the loss of the love of his life, the loss of his Trouble felt like more of a curse than the actual Trouble had been. He had gotten used to only being able to feel Audrey. Now he was susceptible to physical pain to go along with the pain in his heart. Plus, whenever he accidentally brushed up against someone, the tingling on his skin would remind him of intimate moments he had spent with Audrey.

Basically, Nathan was miserable. And Duke was tired of it.

"Seriously, Nathan, you've got to get up off your ass and actually do something."

The other man grumbled. "No, I really don't."

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

"What do you think is wrong? Audrey is gone!" Nathan yelled, standing up from the brown leather armchair. He stumbled slightly and fell back down into his seat.

Duke groaned and grabbed the Jack Daniels bottle from the floor. "Yes, Nathan, she's gone. She's been gone for a couple months now. And yes, it's terrible, but it's time to move on." Nathan rolled his eyes and reached for the glass bottle. Duke yanked it out of reach, the small bit of whiskey remaining swished around loudly. "I'm serious. Stop this pity party and get off your ass. This town needs you."

"No, it doesn't. Dwight's chief, he can handle the station. The Troubles aren't a problem anymore. Everything is fine. Except Audrey is still gone."

"She went into that barn for us. For you. To keep you safe. And the Troubles are gone. Your Trouble is gone. Isn't that a good thing?" Duke stared at the other man for a few minutes, his eyes raking over the full beard on Nathan's face and the grubby gray t shirt he was wearing. Then Duke reached up to run a hand over his own chin. "Alright. Fine. Whatever. Bye Nathan."

Nathan smirked and reached out for the bottle again. Duke backed away quickly, keeping a firm grip on the bottle, and walked out the front door.

For a few more minutes, he sat there. But with his alcohol gone and no desire to go to the store for more, there was nothing left for him to do except watch the clock on the wall tick tick tick its way toward 2 o'clock.

The stream of sunlight peeking through the window glinted off the metal lamp in the corner. Nathan harrumphed and forced himself up and out of the chair. The heaviness that had settled into his limbs from the drinking had become a familiar pressure, but now made it more difficult to move. Slowly, he leaned against the furniture in his small living room as he walked toward the back of the house. Down the hallway on the way to his bedroom was the small beige bathroom.

He crept inside, wondering if a shower might help to clear his head. He stripped off his dirty clothes and reached in to turn on the shower-head. The line was still there on the water handle, he noticed, the one that marked the perfect temperature of water from back when he couldn't feel it. He didn't really need the marker anymore, but he still found himself instinctively using it.

Nathan spent longer in the shower than he had originally intended to. He stood under the water for a while, feeling the warm droplets caress his skin. Then he'd lathered up with a handful of soap and scrubbed his skin until it was raw. It began to burn, but he welcomed the pain. It was a distraction from his errant thoughts. It also helped to ground him in his own skin.

He had felt empty since Audrey had gone into the barn. He'd felt adrift in a sea of heartache and loneliness. He'd _felt _everything.

He knew, deep down, that he had to accept her absence. She wouldn't want him carrying on like this. Isn't that what everyone said, after they lost a loved one? He knew that with her, though, it was true. When she had first found out that she had to go away in the barn, she had tried to pull away from him. She had tried to save him all of this misery.

Didn't that count for something?

Nathan continued standing under the water, lightly running his hands over his body and remembering the times when Audrey had done the same. She hadn't shied away from his Trouble, she had accepted it and battled with it constantly. She worshiped his skin with kisses and strokes and brought him to life beneath her fingertips.

And he had to make the most of that life, especially now. She had officially given up everything she had to end the Troubles and allow him to feel again. He couldn't squander that.

Angry at himself for not realizing this sooner, Nathan grunted and punched the wall. The tile cracked beneath his knuckles, but it seemed to do more damage to him than he did to it. When he pulled his fist away his knuckles were bleeding and he relished in the pain.

He let the shower wash away the blood until the water ran cold. The chill became too much to bear, and he finally reached out with his uninjured hand to shut it off.

Rejuvenated by the minty clean smell of his skin and the adrenaline rushing through his veins, the rest of his movements came quicker. He exited the bathroom and moved into his bedroom. He threw on casual clothes: a pair of jeans and a t shirt.

A quick glance around his house told him that he needed to do a lot of basic chores, such as laundry and getting groceries.

First, though, there was something he had to do.

He didn't really trust himself to drive just yet, or to leave his house at all. So instead he perched himself in one of his dining room chairs and dialed a familiar number into his phone.

"Haven PD, Chief Hendrickson," A deep voice answered. "How can I help you?"

Nathan held back the pride that flared within him, the yelling in his mind of 'No, I'm the Chief!', and answered simply. "Hey Dwight. It's Nathan."

The other man must have been completely shocked, but he hid it well. "Oh, hey Nathan, how's it going?"

"It's uhh…" He chuckled dryly, reaching up to rub the back of his neck. "It's going, at least."

Dwight grumbled, seeming unconvinced. "How're you holding up?"

"Better, really."

"Alright." His voice quickly became all business. "Well what can I do for ya?"

Nathan clenched his fist, hoping beyond all hope that he was not about to get dismissed. "Actually, I was wondering, umm, if I could come back to the force. You know how I feel about Haven, and I'd like to help in any way that I can."

The phone was silent for a few seconds. "Can you handle being back? Without Audrey?"

Her name slammed into his mind, reaffirming his desires. "She's why I need to do this."

"Alright." He said, acquiescing sooner than Nathan had expected. "Well I know how hard you've worked to protect Haven in the past, and I've always thought that you were an essential part of this team. There's definitely a spot open for you, if you want it. Come in Monday morning, and we'll get you reinstated."

Nathan froze. "Wait, really?"

"Really." Dwight stated. "It's good to have you back, Nathan."

"It's good to be back. Thank you." With nothing else to be said, he hung up and dropped the phone onto the table. He leaned back in the chair, closed his eyes, and pictured Audrey's smile.

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><p>Oh Nathan... :( Keep reading and reviewing and letting me know what you think! Thanks so much!<p> 


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